---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mirabelle Summers <news@meetyoursweet.com>
Date: Fri, Jul 6, 2012 at 6:27 AM
Subject: Day 3: The MOST IMPORTANT secret to making a man want you
MeetYourSweet.com
Level 2, 107 Cashel St
Christchurch, Canterbury 8011
NEW ZEALAND
From: Mirabelle Summers <news@meetyoursweet.com>
Date: Fri, Jul 6, 2012 at 6:27 AM
Subject: Day 3: The MOST IMPORTANT secret to making a man want you
Hi, Jorge!
Today's subject is 'The Secrets of
ATTRACTION'... what you have to know before you can
successfully and effortlessly attract a quality
man into your life.
NOTE: This has much less than you think to do
with your LOOKS than it does with who you REALLY
are.
Yes, your looks DO matter - but most women
mistakenly believe that looks are 'everything'. As
a result, they spend endless time building a
wardrobe, putting on makeup, and going to the gym...
and then they're confused when their
relationships never change up a gear.
Something else you may find relevant: there are
plenty of men out there who DO value 'looks' as
literally THE THING that would make them want to
commit to a woman. (Men have actually replied to
commitment-related survey questions that I've sent
out with this answer.)
So if you want to rely on looks alone, that's
OK... you will get men.
HOWEVER! The men that you DO get will tend to
be the ones who want a 'trophy girlfriend', and as
such, they will be more interested in 'sex' than
they are interested in 'you'. (And you can just
bet that they'll trade in an older, 'dingier'
model for something younger as soon as they feel
it appropriate to do so.)
Bottom line: once again, it all boils down to
QUALITY. If you want a quality man (and
relationship), you've got to BE QUALITY YOURSELF.
Which means, 'multi-faceted' is IN, and 'Barbie
doll' is OUT.
Moving right along...
So what will flat-out help you to attract the
man (and life) of your dreams right onto your
doorstep?
FIRST OF ALL... you've GOT to take a look at
your ATTITUDE.
Quantum physics (the 'science of possibility')
states that our attitudes and beliefs are what
shape our reality. What's happening INSIDE us is
what determines the situation OUTSIDE of us.
So if you're giving too much air-time to that
Inner Critic who lives inside your head... or if
you're holding yourself back with artificial,
limiting beliefs about men and love...
... i.e. 'I'm too old to be attractive', 'I'm
just not pretty enough', 'No-one wants to date a
single mom', and so on...
...then the Universe will 'hear' you, and -
since the Universe always speaks your language -
that is then the situation that you will create
around you.
BUT, if you can develop an 'attitude of
gratitude' and actually APPRECIATE what you've
got, then very quickly you'll begin to experience
a paradigm shift - not only inside your heart and
mind, but also in your LIFE.
(That's the great thing about quantum physics -
the responsibility is squarely in YOUR lap. Can
anyone say... EMPOWERING?)
Your attitude about YOURSELF will also manifest
in your life.
For example, if you're acting out insecurity or
low self-image... for example, by doing things
that, deep down, you're not comfortable doing in
order to 'get' somebody's attention or affection...
...for example, getting 'physical' quickly in
order to 'get closer' to someone, or agreeing to
an exclusive relationship EVEN WHEN you don't
really want to, because you're unsure of what
other options you might have...
...then you've got to be aware that those
actions are rooted in FEAR and INSECURITY and will
inevitably come back to bite you on the butt.
Here's the deal: if you have sex before you'd
prefer because you want to 'get something' (a
commitment, some attention, someone to wake up
next to), then you are directly raising your
chances of ending up with a man who is USING YOU
for sex.
Why?
Because the Universe LISTENS to you and
REFLECTS your behaviors right back to you.
In this case, you would actually be using
YOURSELF as a 'tool' to 'get' something out of
someone else. The result is usually that the
people that this manipulative behavior actually
works on are the very same people who are
comfortable doing what you do - i.e. USING YOU.
Part of being a quality woman, and ending up
with the kind of quality man that you REALLY want
and deserve, is developing a little
self-awareness, actually paying some attention to
what's motivating you and what your REAL
INTENTIONS are, and bringing them into line with
who you are.
No falseness, manipulation, or 'faking it' is
required (or permitted) here. BEING quality will
GET YOU quality - there's just no short-changing
yourself in this department.
Here are a few solid tips to help you make sure
that you're not inadvertently sliding into false,
'needy', or accidentally-manipulative behavior:
- Don't be on call for him.
- Don't drop all your plans for him.
- Don't sit at home waiting for his text
messages or phone-call.
- Don't ditch your friends for him.
- Don't be the one he calls ONLY when he wants
something.
- Don't accept a 'date' after 10 pm (because by
this stage, it's not a date, it's a booty-call.)
- Don't be fooled by the belief that he will
change for you.
- Don't get led on by that little string of
hope he keeps dangling in front of you.
If you want people in your life to respect you
and genuinely care for you, then you've got to set
the tone. Men (and everyone else) will only think
as well of you as YOU think of yourself, so stop
second-guessing yourself and become your own
biggest fan. To get respect, you've gotta have it
for yourself.
By the way... all these things are PART of
being genuinely attractive to a man, but they're
not THE MOST fundamental thing.
I want you to think deeper than what everyone
else is telling you. Think deeper than
"conventional wisdom."
What is the single most FUNDAMENTAL thing that
a man wants in a sexual partner?
Think about it.
What's the one thing he HAS to have?
I can tell you straight off that it isn't
personality. There are plenty of lovely, funny,
and smart SINGLE women out there.
I can also tell you that it isn't looks.
Beautiful women get dumped every day.
Confidence is closer, but I still know shy
timid girls who are deemed desirable.
So what is it?
Get ready for the answer, because it's gonna
blow your mind... THE MOST IMPORTANT SECRET TO
MAKING MEN WANT YOU IS...
...that she's a WOMAN.
That's IT.
Men are attracted to FEMALES, plain and simple.
A WOMAN is someone who's completely different
from him in every way.
A WOMAN is someone who has intuition, is in
touch with her emotions, and can nurture and
support others through life's ups and downs.
A WOMAN is someone that a man can trust to
teach him how to feel, how to love, and how to
live life in its most fullest capacity.
See, you don't have to be a man's "best friend"
to attract him.
(And in fact, forming a 'friendship' with a
man, in the hopes of getting 'more than' down the
track, is a plain bad idea and it rarely works. If
a guy is attracted to you, he'll let you know
about it. And if he's NOT attracted to you, then
no amount of chumming around and being 'friends'
is going to CREATE attraction.)
Men cultivate masculine relationships - a.k.a.
FRIENDSHIPS - to satisfy COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
needs than the ones that they cultivate FEMALE
relationships for.
A man will go to other men to talk tough,
one-up each other, fix stuff (or, depending on
what kind of guy he is, break stuff), tinker
around, and generally wallow in MALENESS.
(That's M-A-L-E-NESS, by the way... the kind of
'masculinity' he DOESN'T want you around to
witness.)
He'll go to a WOMAN when he wants to talk about
his hopes and dreams. He'll go to a WOMAN when he
wants to feel loved or nurtured. He will go to a
WOMAN when he wants to feel supported.
He'll go to a WOMAN when he wants the SOFT
TOUCH.
A man wants a woman because she's a WOMAN... not
because she's his "best friend."
Not because she's "one of the guys," able to
match him shot for shot, or head a soccer ball
better than he can... and not because she resembles
him in his interests, passions, and abilities.
Unfortunately, a lot of women mistake
'closeness' for ATTRACTION, and try to strike up a
relationship by EMULATING a man... in the hopes
that 'alike' will create DESIRE.
Here's how it usually goes for most women:
After attracting a man, they get to know him a
little better, and come to a set of conclusions
(based on a semi-knowledge of his personality) of
what sort of woman he would most like to hang out
with.
As a result, they start to make all these
little 'alterations' to their personality. She'll
suddenly start liking HIS music. She'll drink beer
instead of white wine. She'll carve her 20-minute
morning 'wash-and-get-pretty' routine down to 5
minutes because she's 'embarrassed' about taking
care of herself. And she'll start spending more
time hanging out in sports bars, because that's
where he likes to hang out.
Why?
Because she thinks (wrongly, as it turns out)
that he will like her more and WANT HER more if
she more closely resembles HIM, and the (male)
friends he likes to hang out with.
WRONG!!
And before you know it, her original
personality (which incidentally, is what attracted
him in the first place) is GONE. Replaced by a
bizarre replica of the new man in her life.
Has this ever happened to you?
Have you ever been in that situation where a
guy goes to you when he wants to get drunk and be
naughty... but NOT the girl he wants to talk to
about love or his dreams?
This sort of thing happens when a man doesn't
see you as a WOMAN.
In your efforts to become "one of the boys,"
and get closer to him by EMULATING him...
...as opposed to having your OWN self, your OWN
opinions, and your own LIFE...
...you actually BECOME 'one of the boys' to him.
That's exactly how he now sees you... as a
'mate', not as a contender to be The Woman in his
life.
Since the feminism boom, women have been taught
that we can do 'anything.'
We can match the boys in any old area we want
to... the subtext being, 'and they'll just have to
suck it up.'
Here's the problem... if you're trying to
'compete' with men, or prove that 'women are equal
to men', that's going to come across as not only
egomaniacal, but also OFF-PUTTINGLY COMPETITIVE.
You can compete with a man, OR you can attract
him. You can't do both.
Now, that's not to say that women are somehow
'less than' than men are, or that we need to take
pains to reign in our brilliance in case we 'put
off the men'.
But it IS to say that when you're basing your
beliefs and actions in a need to 'prove something'
(read: COMPETE), then you can bet that men will
SENSE that about you, and be turned off.
It's true.
And what many women just go TOO FAR in the
whole 'we're just as good as men' concept without
even realizing it. They end up portraying
themselves as 'ball-busters' or 'hard women', and
of course, they then find it extremely difficult
to ALSO be attractive.
Why?
Does that mean that 'success' is 'unattractive'
in a woman?
Well, no. Not unless the kind of guy you're
setting your cap for is ALSO the kind of guy who
has deep-seated 'security issues' about his
masculinity.
What it DOES mean is that if you're succeeding
at something NOT out of a genuine desire to
SUCCEED, but instead are operating out of a desire
to 'win' over MEN, then THAT is what's
unattractive... because it's UNFEMININE. It's
competitive, it's not sexy, and it's just not
attractive.
So if you want to compete with a guy, fine...
but don't expect to have him eating out of the
palm of your hand as soon as business hours are
over.
In the process of trying to make themselves
more 'liberated' and gain all of the freedoms that
men have, many women have, in the eyes of the
guys, essentially BECOME MEN.
They've embraced their masculine
'competitiveness' over their femininity, in the
belief that this is what's required to get what
you want in life.
They've managed to squash the very feminine
essence that makes them attractive to men!
QUICK NOTE: When you start comparing yourself
with the opposite sex, you are setting yourself up
for trouble!
And by the way...
There's no threshold that you cross over that
qualifies you as the 'feminine' kind of woman that
men are attracted to.
Discovering and unleashing your femininity is a
PROCESS. You're going to continue learning more
about what it means to be a woman until the day
you die.
But to speed things up a bit, I'm going to give
you three mind-blowing principles right now that
have the power to COMPLETELY TRANSFORM your life.
MIRABELLE'S CRASH COURSE IN ATTRACTION
TIP #1: Avoid getting too set in your ways.
If you want to be the kind of WOMAN that a MAN
desires, then it's time to shake things up a bit.
The main issue that most women have in this
area is, they get too set in what they're LOOKING
for. They know the exact kind of man they want,
and they're not even going to waste any time
DATING anyone who doesn't match the picture
they've got in their heads of Mr Right.
This is a great way to cheat yourself out of a
LOT of dates, and a LOT of great relationships.
Challenge yourself. Don't get too comfortable.
Loosen up your ideals a bit and try dating people
'just to see what happens', instead of dating to
'find someone'.
There are still things you are being called to
learn and grow from. If you believe you have
reached the pinnacle of your success, you have
nothing left to achieve.
The minute your life seems to be just the way
you like it, STIR THINGS UP. Do something that
scares you just a little bit.
Here's another common situation: the situation
where you spend all your time striving to get
things 'just so', and you're not going to be
'happy' UNTIL you get things 'just so'.
For example, 'I'm going to be happy when I've
got a great relationship.'
Or, 'I'll really be able to relax when I get
that pay rise.'
Try this on for size: the point of your life is
NOT to have things just the way you want them.
The minute everything gets just the way you
want it, something's going to happen and blow your
house of cards to bits.
It's important for your lifestyle, for your
hope of a great relationship, and for your own
irresistibility, that you keep your life in a
state of FLUX. Don't get too focused on one thing:
the only thing that tunnel vision's good for is
IGNORING everything else that's out there.
If you're afraid of change... or afraid of loss...
or afraid of losing a bit of control... then it's
time to face those fears and see them for what
they really are.
It's not a pretty word, and it's a difficult
one to get your head around...
...It's called INSECURITY.
Insecurity often manifests itself in an extreme
desire to CONTROL things.
The mindset of working to "get" things (and
thus, control) becomes entrenched. You work hard
to get money, which equals financial security. You
work out at the gym to "get" the body you desire,
so your self-esteem is cemented and so you feel
that you can attract a suitable man.
It's easy to get into the mindset of
"acquiring" things to improve your life.
And most of the time, there's nothing wrong
with that. Working hard to get what you want is a
handy mindset to have, when you're talking about a
career or a possession.
But a man is not an acquisition. A man is
something that will turn up in your life when
you're able to RELAX and just chill out - not when
you're hell-bent on controlling your environment,
and DEFINITELY not when you're busy excluding all
sorts of guys from your life because they 'don't
match up'.
TIP #2: Set clear boundaries with men.
Ever heard the phrase 'doormat'?
It's something that many MANY women turn
themselves into in a vain struggle to become 'more
attractive' to men.
Women who are 'doormats' are the ones who give
when they don't actually WANT to give.
They do things for others (guys) because they
want to be more desired, more appreciated, and to
create more of a bond. (Hint: this is actually
MANIPULATIVE, although most women don't realize it
at the time.)
Unfortunately, men can actually TELL when your
actions are rooted in insecurity or fear... in this
case, a fear that you won't be 'enough' UNLESS you
act a certain way or give a certain thing.
And, far from being attractive, it's actually a
MASSIVE turn-off... and usually results in poor
treatment, LESS of a bond than before, and
significantly decreased respect. (Feelings of
confusion and frustration on both sides are also
common.)
Fortunately, the antidote is simple: SET CLEAR
BOUNDARIES. Learn the art of being straight-up
with people (and men, in particular), and
recognize that trying to 'get people' to like you
by acting a certain way is MANIPULATIVE and
UNATTRACTIVE... and will directly contradict all
other efforts to be truly high-quality and
desirable.
A good skill to learn is the art of saying 'no'
WITHOUT feeling or creating any awkwardness.
For example, if your date calls you up at 7pm
for an 8.30 pm date, and you would feel
inconvenienced by dropping everything to meet him
(as you SHOULD feel, by the way)...
- A 'doormat' would FEEL the inconvenience and
the resentment, but go ahead and meet him anyway,
thus poisoning the evening for both people by
failing to act on her own feelings. Her date then
gets the message that she's the kind of woman
who's afraid of honesty and directness, and
figures that she'll end up being a liability
further down the track.
- A quality woman would say, 'Actually, I've
got an early start tomorrow, but I'm free later
this week. Why don't we meet up then at a more
convenient time?' ... and is thus able to stay true
to herself, be honest with her guy, AND enjoy a
date at a time that suits HER.
The message her date gets: 'My life and my priorities
are important to me, but you matter too, so let's
figure out something that suits BOTH of us.' ... and
his respect (and desire) for her GROWS.
Once you figure out how to set boundaries, and you
actually internalize the fact that the word 'No'
is going to INCREASE the quality of your life (and
your self-respect, your desirability, your energy
levels ...), you're going to start seeing a big
turn-around in the quality and quantity of your
dates, and things will start to happen very
quickly.
TIP #3: Come to terms with your past and
your future.
This is another aspect of your life where the
word 'RESPONSIBILITY' plays a HUGE role in your
day-to-day life, AND your attraction.
'Baggage' is something that just about
everybody has. However, SOME women allow the
weight of their baggage to actively shape the life
that they're living today, and this translates
into nothing but aggravation and DECREASED quality
in the here-and-now.
Your past is part of who you are and what you
have grown into, and while we are shaped by the
events of our past, we are by no means DEFINED by
them... that is, unless we choose to.
For example, many women feel 'emotionally
crippled' by previous relationships with men, and
have reached the point where they feel 'unable' or
unwilling to 'try again' with a new man.
The problem with this is that, once again, your
BELIEFS are creating a NEGATIVE REALITY for you.
You are effectively 'imprisoning yourself' in the
past by forbidding yourself the ability to move
on, to forgive what's happened, and to embrace the
possibilities of right now.
Let me tell you a little story...
>>>>
There were two Buddhist monks sitting quietly
together under a tree. After many years of
imprisonment and torture, they had finally been
released from their cells and were free to go.
One monk turned to another. 'Have you forgiven
your imprisoners?' he said.
The other monk looked appalled. 'Of course
not!' he said. 'How on earth could I ever forgive
them for all the things they did to me?'
The other monk regarded him calmly. 'Then I
suppose you're still imprisoned,' he said.
>>>>
The parable of the monks is similar to your
own, if you're still lugging around baggage from
the past. If you are permitting pain from the past
to shape the reality of your life as it is right
now, then you're in a prison of your own making.
You're CHOOSING to accept the fact that the past
will forever have a hold on you, and that you
would rather LIVE in the past than move on and
live in the NOW.
The key is FORGIVENESS (otherwise known as
'moving on'.)
To forgive means that you make a conscious
decision to STOP giving mental energy to
whatever has happened in the past. It's not about
absolving someone else of responsibility - for
example, if you feel that someone has wronged you,
know that this is not about saying, 'That's OK
that you did this to me.'
Instead, it's about freeing yourself from the
emotional burden of looking at life from a past
perspective, and admitting to yourself that you
are ready to move on WITHOUT bringing forward
baggage or burdens from 'before'.
Only when you are able to relinquish the past
and accept that it's over will you be able to live
fully in the present moment... and only then will
you be able to recognize and make the most of the
opportunities that present themselves to you each
day.
Until you can forgive (read: accept, and move
on), you will still be stuck in the prison of the
past.
Equally, while you're on the subject of the
past, it's not going to hurt to turn your mental
gaze the other direction: to the FUTURE.
If you have no clue where your life is heading,
then I suggest that you spend some time figuring
it out.
Some women have GREAT ideas for their lives...
but they change their minds every few months (or
weeks or days).
The result? They never accomplish anything.
They lack the initiative to set a plan of action
to help them achieve.
Think about it... if you're an arrow heading for
a target, then suddenly change direction to hit
another target, you're going to run out of steam
and drop to the ground before you manage to hit
ANYTHING.
Set a goal for yourself, and STICK to it. Start
sticking to your word. Don't lay awake at night
worrying if you made the right decision or whether
you'd like something better. ANY decision is
better than no decision at all!
If the magnitude of the goal frightens you,
then set smaller goals that move you along in
incremental steps until you know enough to
determine whether that direction is right for you.
By the way... smaller goals are a good idea
because you're more likely to achieve them. The
rush of achievement from fulfilling a goal is a
high like no other... and gradually, as your
confidence grows, you can start to set larger,
more challenging goals.
But take it one step at a time! Don't rush the
process!
For example, it may not be helpful to think to
yourself, 'My goal is to get engaged and married
within the next six months' if right now you are
single and not dating anyone.
But having a SMALLER goal - one that you know
that you can meet and fulfill, with some effort -
will act as a motivating force in your life, and
will empower you once you've completed it. For
example, 'meeting and dating three men in the next
eight weeks' is much more of a sustainable goal.
Once you come to terms with this fact, and are
able to externalize this truth in your day to day
life, your relationships are going to be a lot
happier and healthier!
SIDE NOTE: You may like to check this out:
==>> http://www.meetyoursweet.com/selfconfidence/women/
...You'll learn how to assert yourself in a way
that SUPPORTS your irresistibility, how to never
doubt yourself again, how to say goodbye to a low
self-image and low self-esteem, and how to NEVER
be a 'doormat' again. It's quality.
With love,
Mirabelle Summers
MeetYourSweet.com
.
.
Today's subject is 'The Secrets of
ATTRACTION'... what you have to know before you can
successfully and effortlessly attract a quality
man into your life.
NOTE: This has much less than you think to do
with your LOOKS than it does with who you REALLY
are.
Yes, your looks DO matter - but most women
mistakenly believe that looks are 'everything'. As
a result, they spend endless time building a
wardrobe, putting on makeup, and going to the gym...
and then they're confused when their
relationships never change up a gear.
Something else you may find relevant: there are
plenty of men out there who DO value 'looks' as
literally THE THING that would make them want to
commit to a woman. (Men have actually replied to
commitment-related survey questions that I've sent
out with this answer.)
So if you want to rely on looks alone, that's
OK... you will get men.
HOWEVER! The men that you DO get will tend to
be the ones who want a 'trophy girlfriend', and as
such, they will be more interested in 'sex' than
they are interested in 'you'. (And you can just
bet that they'll trade in an older, 'dingier'
model for something younger as soon as they feel
it appropriate to do so.)
Bottom line: once again, it all boils down to
QUALITY. If you want a quality man (and
relationship), you've got to BE QUALITY YOURSELF.
Which means, 'multi-faceted' is IN, and 'Barbie
doll' is OUT.
Moving right along...
So what will flat-out help you to attract the
man (and life) of your dreams right onto your
doorstep?
FIRST OF ALL... you've GOT to take a look at
your ATTITUDE.
Quantum physics (the 'science of possibility')
states that our attitudes and beliefs are what
shape our reality. What's happening INSIDE us is
what determines the situation OUTSIDE of us.
So if you're giving too much air-time to that
Inner Critic who lives inside your head... or if
you're holding yourself back with artificial,
limiting beliefs about men and love...
... i.e. 'I'm too old to be attractive', 'I'm
just not pretty enough', 'No-one wants to date a
single mom', and so on...
...then the Universe will 'hear' you, and -
since the Universe always speaks your language -
that is then the situation that you will create
around you.
BUT, if you can develop an 'attitude of
gratitude' and actually APPRECIATE what you've
got, then very quickly you'll begin to experience
a paradigm shift - not only inside your heart and
mind, but also in your LIFE.
(That's the great thing about quantum physics -
the responsibility is squarely in YOUR lap. Can
anyone say... EMPOWERING?)
Your attitude about YOURSELF will also manifest
in your life.
For example, if you're acting out insecurity or
low self-image... for example, by doing things
that, deep down, you're not comfortable doing in
order to 'get' somebody's attention or affection...
...for example, getting 'physical' quickly in
order to 'get closer' to someone, or agreeing to
an exclusive relationship EVEN WHEN you don't
really want to, because you're unsure of what
other options you might have...
...then you've got to be aware that those
actions are rooted in FEAR and INSECURITY and will
inevitably come back to bite you on the butt.
Here's the deal: if you have sex before you'd
prefer because you want to 'get something' (a
commitment, some attention, someone to wake up
next to), then you are directly raising your
chances of ending up with a man who is USING YOU
for sex.
Why?
Because the Universe LISTENS to you and
REFLECTS your behaviors right back to you.
In this case, you would actually be using
YOURSELF as a 'tool' to 'get' something out of
someone else. The result is usually that the
people that this manipulative behavior actually
works on are the very same people who are
comfortable doing what you do - i.e. USING YOU.
Part of being a quality woman, and ending up
with the kind of quality man that you REALLY want
and deserve, is developing a little
self-awareness, actually paying some attention to
what's motivating you and what your REAL
INTENTIONS are, and bringing them into line with
who you are.
No falseness, manipulation, or 'faking it' is
required (or permitted) here. BEING quality will
GET YOU quality - there's just no short-changing
yourself in this department.
Here are a few solid tips to help you make sure
that you're not inadvertently sliding into false,
'needy', or accidentally-manipulative behavior:
- Don't be on call for him.
- Don't drop all your plans for him.
- Don't sit at home waiting for his text
messages or phone-call.
- Don't ditch your friends for him.
- Don't be the one he calls ONLY when he wants
something.
- Don't accept a 'date' after 10 pm (because by
this stage, it's not a date, it's a booty-call.)
- Don't be fooled by the belief that he will
change for you.
- Don't get led on by that little string of
hope he keeps dangling in front of you.
If you want people in your life to respect you
and genuinely care for you, then you've got to set
the tone. Men (and everyone else) will only think
as well of you as YOU think of yourself, so stop
second-guessing yourself and become your own
biggest fan. To get respect, you've gotta have it
for yourself.
By the way... all these things are PART of
being genuinely attractive to a man, but they're
not THE MOST fundamental thing.
I want you to think deeper than what everyone
else is telling you. Think deeper than
"conventional wisdom."
What is the single most FUNDAMENTAL thing that
a man wants in a sexual partner?
Think about it.
What's the one thing he HAS to have?
I can tell you straight off that it isn't
personality. There are plenty of lovely, funny,
and smart SINGLE women out there.
I can also tell you that it isn't looks.
Beautiful women get dumped every day.
Confidence is closer, but I still know shy
timid girls who are deemed desirable.
So what is it?
Get ready for the answer, because it's gonna
blow your mind... THE MOST IMPORTANT SECRET TO
MAKING MEN WANT YOU IS...
...that she's a WOMAN.
That's IT.
Men are attracted to FEMALES, plain and simple.
A WOMAN is someone who's completely different
from him in every way.
A WOMAN is someone who has intuition, is in
touch with her emotions, and can nurture and
support others through life's ups and downs.
A WOMAN is someone that a man can trust to
teach him how to feel, how to love, and how to
live life in its most fullest capacity.
See, you don't have to be a man's "best friend"
to attract him.
(And in fact, forming a 'friendship' with a
man, in the hopes of getting 'more than' down the
track, is a plain bad idea and it rarely works. If
a guy is attracted to you, he'll let you know
about it. And if he's NOT attracted to you, then
no amount of chumming around and being 'friends'
is going to CREATE attraction.)
Men cultivate masculine relationships - a.k.a.
FRIENDSHIPS - to satisfy COMPLETELY DIFFERENT
needs than the ones that they cultivate FEMALE
relationships for.
A man will go to other men to talk tough,
one-up each other, fix stuff (or, depending on
what kind of guy he is, break stuff), tinker
around, and generally wallow in MALENESS.
(That's M-A-L-E-NESS, by the way... the kind of
'masculinity' he DOESN'T want you around to
witness.)
He'll go to a WOMAN when he wants to talk about
his hopes and dreams. He'll go to a WOMAN when he
wants to feel loved or nurtured. He will go to a
WOMAN when he wants to feel supported.
He'll go to a WOMAN when he wants the SOFT
TOUCH.
A man wants a woman because she's a WOMAN... not
because she's his "best friend."
Not because she's "one of the guys," able to
match him shot for shot, or head a soccer ball
better than he can... and not because she resembles
him in his interests, passions, and abilities.
Unfortunately, a lot of women mistake
'closeness' for ATTRACTION, and try to strike up a
relationship by EMULATING a man... in the hopes
that 'alike' will create DESIRE.
Here's how it usually goes for most women:
After attracting a man, they get to know him a
little better, and come to a set of conclusions
(based on a semi-knowledge of his personality) of
what sort of woman he would most like to hang out
with.
As a result, they start to make all these
little 'alterations' to their personality. She'll
suddenly start liking HIS music. She'll drink beer
instead of white wine. She'll carve her 20-minute
morning 'wash-and-get-pretty' routine down to 5
minutes because she's 'embarrassed' about taking
care of herself. And she'll start spending more
time hanging out in sports bars, because that's
where he likes to hang out.
Why?
Because she thinks (wrongly, as it turns out)
that he will like her more and WANT HER more if
she more closely resembles HIM, and the (male)
friends he likes to hang out with.
WRONG!!
And before you know it, her original
personality (which incidentally, is what attracted
him in the first place) is GONE. Replaced by a
bizarre replica of the new man in her life.
Has this ever happened to you?
Have you ever been in that situation where a
guy goes to you when he wants to get drunk and be
naughty... but NOT the girl he wants to talk to
about love or his dreams?
This sort of thing happens when a man doesn't
see you as a WOMAN.
In your efforts to become "one of the boys,"
and get closer to him by EMULATING him...
...as opposed to having your OWN self, your OWN
opinions, and your own LIFE...
...you actually BECOME 'one of the boys' to him.
That's exactly how he now sees you... as a
'mate', not as a contender to be The Woman in his
life.
Since the feminism boom, women have been taught
that we can do 'anything.'
We can match the boys in any old area we want
to... the subtext being, 'and they'll just have to
suck it up.'
Here's the problem... if you're trying to
'compete' with men, or prove that 'women are equal
to men', that's going to come across as not only
egomaniacal, but also OFF-PUTTINGLY COMPETITIVE.
You can compete with a man, OR you can attract
him. You can't do both.
Now, that's not to say that women are somehow
'less than' than men are, or that we need to take
pains to reign in our brilliance in case we 'put
off the men'.
But it IS to say that when you're basing your
beliefs and actions in a need to 'prove something'
(read: COMPETE), then you can bet that men will
SENSE that about you, and be turned off.
It's true.
And what many women just go TOO FAR in the
whole 'we're just as good as men' concept without
even realizing it. They end up portraying
themselves as 'ball-busters' or 'hard women', and
of course, they then find it extremely difficult
to ALSO be attractive.
Why?
Does that mean that 'success' is 'unattractive'
in a woman?
Well, no. Not unless the kind of guy you're
setting your cap for is ALSO the kind of guy who
has deep-seated 'security issues' about his
masculinity.
What it DOES mean is that if you're succeeding
at something NOT out of a genuine desire to
SUCCEED, but instead are operating out of a desire
to 'win' over MEN, then THAT is what's
unattractive... because it's UNFEMININE. It's
competitive, it's not sexy, and it's just not
attractive.
So if you want to compete with a guy, fine...
but don't expect to have him eating out of the
palm of your hand as soon as business hours are
over.
In the process of trying to make themselves
more 'liberated' and gain all of the freedoms that
men have, many women have, in the eyes of the
guys, essentially BECOME MEN.
They've embraced their masculine
'competitiveness' over their femininity, in the
belief that this is what's required to get what
you want in life.
They've managed to squash the very feminine
essence that makes them attractive to men!
QUICK NOTE: When you start comparing yourself
with the opposite sex, you are setting yourself up
for trouble!
And by the way...
There's no threshold that you cross over that
qualifies you as the 'feminine' kind of woman that
men are attracted to.
Discovering and unleashing your femininity is a
PROCESS. You're going to continue learning more
about what it means to be a woman until the day
you die.
But to speed things up a bit, I'm going to give
you three mind-blowing principles right now that
have the power to COMPLETELY TRANSFORM your life.
MIRABELLE'S CRASH COURSE IN ATTRACTION
TIP #1: Avoid getting too set in your ways.
If you want to be the kind of WOMAN that a MAN
desires, then it's time to shake things up a bit.
The main issue that most women have in this
area is, they get too set in what they're LOOKING
for. They know the exact kind of man they want,
and they're not even going to waste any time
DATING anyone who doesn't match the picture
they've got in their heads of Mr Right.
This is a great way to cheat yourself out of a
LOT of dates, and a LOT of great relationships.
Challenge yourself. Don't get too comfortable.
Loosen up your ideals a bit and try dating people
'just to see what happens', instead of dating to
'find someone'.
There are still things you are being called to
learn and grow from. If you believe you have
reached the pinnacle of your success, you have
nothing left to achieve.
The minute your life seems to be just the way
you like it, STIR THINGS UP. Do something that
scares you just a little bit.
Here's another common situation: the situation
where you spend all your time striving to get
things 'just so', and you're not going to be
'happy' UNTIL you get things 'just so'.
For example, 'I'm going to be happy when I've
got a great relationship.'
Or, 'I'll really be able to relax when I get
that pay rise.'
Try this on for size: the point of your life is
NOT to have things just the way you want them.
The minute everything gets just the way you
want it, something's going to happen and blow your
house of cards to bits.
It's important for your lifestyle, for your
hope of a great relationship, and for your own
irresistibility, that you keep your life in a
state of FLUX. Don't get too focused on one thing:
the only thing that tunnel vision's good for is
IGNORING everything else that's out there.
If you're afraid of change... or afraid of loss...
or afraid of losing a bit of control... then it's
time to face those fears and see them for what
they really are.
It's not a pretty word, and it's a difficult
one to get your head around...
...It's called INSECURITY.
Insecurity often manifests itself in an extreme
desire to CONTROL things.
The mindset of working to "get" things (and
thus, control) becomes entrenched. You work hard
to get money, which equals financial security. You
work out at the gym to "get" the body you desire,
so your self-esteem is cemented and so you feel
that you can attract a suitable man.
It's easy to get into the mindset of
"acquiring" things to improve your life.
And most of the time, there's nothing wrong
with that. Working hard to get what you want is a
handy mindset to have, when you're talking about a
career or a possession.
But a man is not an acquisition. A man is
something that will turn up in your life when
you're able to RELAX and just chill out - not when
you're hell-bent on controlling your environment,
and DEFINITELY not when you're busy excluding all
sorts of guys from your life because they 'don't
match up'.
TIP #2: Set clear boundaries with men.
Ever heard the phrase 'doormat'?
It's something that many MANY women turn
themselves into in a vain struggle to become 'more
attractive' to men.
Women who are 'doormats' are the ones who give
when they don't actually WANT to give.
They do things for others (guys) because they
want to be more desired, more appreciated, and to
create more of a bond. (Hint: this is actually
MANIPULATIVE, although most women don't realize it
at the time.)
Unfortunately, men can actually TELL when your
actions are rooted in insecurity or fear... in this
case, a fear that you won't be 'enough' UNLESS you
act a certain way or give a certain thing.
And, far from being attractive, it's actually a
MASSIVE turn-off... and usually results in poor
treatment, LESS of a bond than before, and
significantly decreased respect. (Feelings of
confusion and frustration on both sides are also
common.)
Fortunately, the antidote is simple: SET CLEAR
BOUNDARIES. Learn the art of being straight-up
with people (and men, in particular), and
recognize that trying to 'get people' to like you
by acting a certain way is MANIPULATIVE and
UNATTRACTIVE... and will directly contradict all
other efforts to be truly high-quality and
desirable.
A good skill to learn is the art of saying 'no'
WITHOUT feeling or creating any awkwardness.
For example, if your date calls you up at 7pm
for an 8.30 pm date, and you would feel
inconvenienced by dropping everything to meet him
(as you SHOULD feel, by the way)...
- A 'doormat' would FEEL the inconvenience and
the resentment, but go ahead and meet him anyway,
thus poisoning the evening for both people by
failing to act on her own feelings. Her date then
gets the message that she's the kind of woman
who's afraid of honesty and directness, and
figures that she'll end up being a liability
further down the track.
- A quality woman would say, 'Actually, I've
got an early start tomorrow, but I'm free later
this week. Why don't we meet up then at a more
convenient time?' ... and is thus able to stay true
to herself, be honest with her guy, AND enjoy a
date at a time that suits HER.
The message her date gets: 'My life and my priorities
are important to me, but you matter too, so let's
figure out something that suits BOTH of us.' ... and
his respect (and desire) for her GROWS.
Once you figure out how to set boundaries, and you
actually internalize the fact that the word 'No'
is going to INCREASE the quality of your life (and
your self-respect, your desirability, your energy
levels ...), you're going to start seeing a big
turn-around in the quality and quantity of your
dates, and things will start to happen very
quickly.
TIP #3: Come to terms with your past and
your future.
This is another aspect of your life where the
word 'RESPONSIBILITY' plays a HUGE role in your
day-to-day life, AND your attraction.
'Baggage' is something that just about
everybody has. However, SOME women allow the
weight of their baggage to actively shape the life
that they're living today, and this translates
into nothing but aggravation and DECREASED quality
in the here-and-now.
Your past is part of who you are and what you
have grown into, and while we are shaped by the
events of our past, we are by no means DEFINED by
them... that is, unless we choose to.
For example, many women feel 'emotionally
crippled' by previous relationships with men, and
have reached the point where they feel 'unable' or
unwilling to 'try again' with a new man.
The problem with this is that, once again, your
BELIEFS are creating a NEGATIVE REALITY for you.
You are effectively 'imprisoning yourself' in the
past by forbidding yourself the ability to move
on, to forgive what's happened, and to embrace the
possibilities of right now.
Let me tell you a little story...
>>>>
There were two Buddhist monks sitting quietly
together under a tree. After many years of
imprisonment and torture, they had finally been
released from their cells and were free to go.
One monk turned to another. 'Have you forgiven
your imprisoners?' he said.
The other monk looked appalled. 'Of course
not!' he said. 'How on earth could I ever forgive
them for all the things they did to me?'
The other monk regarded him calmly. 'Then I
suppose you're still imprisoned,' he said.
>>>>
The parable of the monks is similar to your
own, if you're still lugging around baggage from
the past. If you are permitting pain from the past
to shape the reality of your life as it is right
now, then you're in a prison of your own making.
You're CHOOSING to accept the fact that the past
will forever have a hold on you, and that you
would rather LIVE in the past than move on and
live in the NOW.
The key is FORGIVENESS (otherwise known as
'moving on'.)
To forgive means that you make a conscious
decision to STOP giving mental energy to
whatever has happened in the past. It's not about
absolving someone else of responsibility - for
example, if you feel that someone has wronged you,
know that this is not about saying, 'That's OK
that you did this to me.'
Instead, it's about freeing yourself from the
emotional burden of looking at life from a past
perspective, and admitting to yourself that you
are ready to move on WITHOUT bringing forward
baggage or burdens from 'before'.
Only when you are able to relinquish the past
and accept that it's over will you be able to live
fully in the present moment... and only then will
you be able to recognize and make the most of the
opportunities that present themselves to you each
day.
Until you can forgive (read: accept, and move
on), you will still be stuck in the prison of the
past.
Equally, while you're on the subject of the
past, it's not going to hurt to turn your mental
gaze the other direction: to the FUTURE.
If you have no clue where your life is heading,
then I suggest that you spend some time figuring
it out.
Some women have GREAT ideas for their lives...
but they change their minds every few months (or
weeks or days).
The result? They never accomplish anything.
They lack the initiative to set a plan of action
to help them achieve.
Think about it... if you're an arrow heading for
a target, then suddenly change direction to hit
another target, you're going to run out of steam
and drop to the ground before you manage to hit
ANYTHING.
Set a goal for yourself, and STICK to it. Start
sticking to your word. Don't lay awake at night
worrying if you made the right decision or whether
you'd like something better. ANY decision is
better than no decision at all!
If the magnitude of the goal frightens you,
then set smaller goals that move you along in
incremental steps until you know enough to
determine whether that direction is right for you.
By the way... smaller goals are a good idea
because you're more likely to achieve them. The
rush of achievement from fulfilling a goal is a
high like no other... and gradually, as your
confidence grows, you can start to set larger,
more challenging goals.
But take it one step at a time! Don't rush the
process!
For example, it may not be helpful to think to
yourself, 'My goal is to get engaged and married
within the next six months' if right now you are
single and not dating anyone.
But having a SMALLER goal - one that you know
that you can meet and fulfill, with some effort -
will act as a motivating force in your life, and
will empower you once you've completed it. For
example, 'meeting and dating three men in the next
eight weeks' is much more of a sustainable goal.
Once you come to terms with this fact, and are
able to externalize this truth in your day to day
life, your relationships are going to be a lot
happier and healthier!
SIDE NOTE: You may like to check this out:
==>> http://www.meetyoursweet.com/selfconfidence/women/
...You'll learn how to assert yourself in a way
that SUPPORTS your irresistibility, how to never
doubt yourself again, how to say goodbye to a low
self-image and low self-esteem, and how to NEVER
be a 'doormat' again. It's quality.
With love,
Mirabelle Summers
MeetYourSweet.com
.
.
MeetYourSweet.com
Level 2, 107 Cashel St
Christchurch, Canterbury 8011
NEW ZEALAND
| To unsubscribe or change subscriber options visit: http://www.aweber.com/z/r/?rAzMrExMtKxMHJxMrMyctGa0jEwMDJycjA== |
No comments:
Post a Comment